The holidays are here—and, per usual, the ham’s coming. Roughly 300 million pounds of it, in this country, at least. Most of those 150,000 tonnes of cured pork leg will be baked. Much will be glazed and rubbed and glazed again. Some will don cherry studded crowns of sliced, canned pineapple. And, odds are, some fraction will find itself in your vicinity.
When you inevitably find yourself face-to-face with some peppercorn crusted, honey glazed, bone-in beauty, it helps to speak ham. Which is why we’ve built a somewhat serious glossary that will—at the bare minimum—allow you to be a contributing (and hopefully enjoyable) member of most holiday-happen, pork-based conversations.
1939 World’s Fair: Where Harry Hoenselaar’s spiral cut ham machine made its global debut—and nobody cared.
Consisting of a tire jack, pie tin, washing machine motor, and a knife, the machine allowed its user to slice a whole ham in just 30 seconds—a significant reduction to the “several minutes” it took to do by hand.
Ten years after the fair, Harry got his slicer patented. Then eight years after that, Harry finally caught his big break: By remortgaging his house, he scrounged up the $500 necessary to buy the Detroit-based HoneyBaked Ham Company.
Today, the HoneyBaked Ham Company has over 400 stores across the country. And roughly 34% of all hams sold in the US are spiral cut.
Alison Roman: Famed recipe developer and ham party thrower. Created an elite, bone-in dry-brine. Has more pork-based influence than Oscar Meyer—at least among more 30-somethings with liberal arts degrees.
Christmas Turkey: Per the Culinary Historians of Ann Arbor, “Christmas Turkey” was mentioned 13 times as often as “Christmas Ham” in American and British books published during 1940. This is just one piece of evidence in their compelling argument that—within America—holiday ham is a fairly new tradition primarily rooted in corporate marketing. Which, per my notes, makes it exactly like everything else I enjoy.
City and Country: The two dominant American ham styles. Country hams are dry brined for several months until they resemble something that’s vaguely prosciutto-like. City hams are wet-brined, pinker, and what’s typically understood as “holiday ham.”
“Eating your drinks,? That is genius!”: The appropriate reaction to rum ham. Although, not a realistic one: Per sources, spiral-cut ham soaked in rum is, unfortunately, terrible. That said—ham alongside rum? Incredible. Especially if it comes in the form of this Winter Citrus Punch.
Freyr: A Norse god who some historians place at the genesis of holiday ham. TL;DR: Freyr rode a golden, dwarf-engineered, IIHS Top Safety Pick boar named Gullinbursti. People liked them both, obviously. So, to celebrate the tandem, during Yule—a holiday entirely separate from Christmas—Pagans would slaughter, roast, and enjoy a wild boar. Thus, holiday ham is here.
Laura Krank: Nearly skipped Christmas. Also, nearly became one with asphalt in pursuit of her grocer’s last remaining Hickory Honey Ham—one of many ham-loving gestures made throughout a film that far exceeds its 5% Rotten Tomatoes score. And it turns out, I’m not the only serious Krank-head: More than ten enlightened cinephiles bid on the Hickory Honey Ham tin used in the film. It sold for $1,040.
Snake River Farms: Somewhere in my notes, it says: “Snake River Farms = Rolls Royce of ham.” But on second thought, that underestimates the well-deserved, critical acclaim of the Idaho-based meat mavens. If you scan reviews on reddit, their website or, hell, just talk to an actual butcher, you’ll hear nothing but positivity about the flavor, quality, and consistency of Snake River’s bone-in hams.
Super-Simple Glazed Ham: The best ham recipe on our site. Of its 43 glowing reviews, this one from Community Member humblecook puts it best: “I never leave reviews, ever. It is a measure of this ham’s greatness that I am here, raving. Simple, unimprovable. Used a Snake River Farms boneless cooked ham. Did as directed here. Flawless. Thank you!”
What are some other ham-centric conversation starters we missed? Let us know in the comments below!
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